it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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