You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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