You're my little dorito
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
