Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
