I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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