it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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