i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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