FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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