I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
