Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
