oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i think i just lost a toe
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
