It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
