Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
