how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
