When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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