After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
