so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
