Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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