im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
