That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I cockslap morals
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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