...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
