The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
