If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
