giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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