I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
