so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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