Umm I'm too high to move.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
