ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
