he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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