Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
