I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
