I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
