when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is Oprah even human
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
