just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
