Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
