Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
