Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
