are you so shy because you have an std?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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