Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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