I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
