This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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