he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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