honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
