me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
