85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
