She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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