Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
