i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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