i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
