I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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