Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
