just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
