Plan B is the new Plan A
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Houston, we have a blender
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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