my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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