My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
