Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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