i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
