In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
