Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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